The Way It Was
by generationloki
Summary: Loki's emails to Tony over ten years. Trigger warnings: suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt, eating disorders, self harm. Gift for Yara. PART 1 OF ? READ "HERE WITH ME" FIRST
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: First of all, this is a gift for my lovely, beautiful, perfect beta, Yara. She has been so good for me and has beta'd nearly all of my fics. Thank you honey! I love you so much XOXO

Okay, so here's the deal, guys. There will be many, many one-shot sequels of this verse, but they are not lineal. They are at random points in Tony and Loki's lives together. For example, this one is set ten years before, but the previous was set a few months afterward.  
There will be both prequels and sequels and from all kinds of point of views.  
And really, if you have any requests or anything you want to be explored- message me on my Tumblr or leave a comment below! I'd love to hear requests.  
Enjoy :)

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: Hi baby :)**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**15****th**** August 2005, 3:00pm**

Hey Tony,

This is me keeping in touch. It's Loki, by the way, in case you'd forgotten your boyfriend already :)

I waited at the airport until your plane was out of sight I hope you know. Father didn't mind, though. Pretty uncharacteristic of him, but I think he understands.

I'm keeping my promise. Granted, it's only been a few hours, but there are no sharp objects within my room at all and I just ate a full meal of steak and potatoes, no matter how fattening it was. No vomiting, either. My part of the deal is so far intact, and there are no plans to break it.

Just remember your promise, darling. No drinking and no girls. I know that will be hard ;)

I hope that you're settling in to California all right. Let me know when you're all moved in.

Thor and mother say hello. Mother's told me to remind you to get some proper sleep even though you've got that huge garage to invent in now. And she also wants pictures. I think she's just a bit worried now that she's not there to hover over you.

I'll be waiting for your email...

Love from, Loki.

XOXO

PS: I really miss you.

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: Catching up**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**4****th**** September 2005, 11:26pm**

Dear Tony,

The Internet has been really dodgy at my place, so I hope I haven't missed your email. School started up again, but it's not the same without you. Thor isn't even here to suffer through it with me. I can't believe he still graduated ahead of me, the idiot he is. (And yes, I know he's 2 years older than me, blah, blah, blah).

Anyway, I really... I really miss you. Already. I miss you sitting next to me in class, I miss you sleeping over at my house on the weekends, and I missyou. I'm not going to lie, I've been crying a lot lately. And well, you know me; I try not to do that.

I miss you so unbelievably much. Maybe try and find a way back home?

I wish you didn't have to move. I wish you were by my side.

I know that I'm being melodramatic. I mean, you're turning eighteen in a few months, and then you can move back here! Mother will be glad to have you; she'll even set up the spare room for you.

So, school's okay. No sign of Doom and the others just yet, I don't think they know you've left yet. I'll keep an eye out for them, though. They won't be too far away.

Oh, and no cutting yet. And I've eaten everything on my plate for every meal. I'm pretty proud of myself, actually. You've given me strength, Tony. Thank you.

If you get this, please reply. I want to know how California is. Have you made any friends? How's Howard?

Love from your boyfriend, Loki.

XOXO

PS: I'm still missing you.

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: Crappy day**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**7****th**** September 2005, 5:34pm**

My dearest Tony,

Today was pretty interesting.

As presumed, Doom caught up with me. The usual, "faggot", "emo", "crazy cunt". Nothing original.

But this time, you weren't there to stop him from hitting me.

He punched me right across the face, glanced off my cheekbone at first but then he punched again. You should see me now, sitting at home with an icepack on my near-broken nose and a swollen black eye the size of a tennis ball.

I hope Father doesn't come home soon. He'd have Doom's head.

Well, after he hit me (it was in the morning) I got some rats from my locker and put them into his. And I know what you're thinking—yes, I did bring them to school today on purpose, and yes, I had already planned to use them on Doom.

The pounding in my head is worth it, though. Doom screamed like a little girl and ran down the corridor when the rats leapt at his face when he opened it up.

To sum up—suspension for a week. And nothing for Doom, of course, because he's one of the school's "best and brightest". Oh, please.

I don't know if you've been emailing me or not, or even getting these, but I'd love it if you could tell me that you were alive or something.

Mother's spoken to your father on the phone, but you weren't home when I went to speak to you. Are you avoiding me? Have I done something wrong?

Love always, Loki.

XOXO

PS: Really missing you now.

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: I need you to talk to me**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**16****th**** September 2005, 3:02am**

Tony,

I'm not kidding. Please reply; I'm dying without you.

I need to talk to you.

Please.

I miss you so much.

Don't you miss me?

Love your boyfriend and best friend, Loki.

XOXO

PS: Just tell me that you're reading these. Just do something to keep me from hurting myself.

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: Don't worry! :)**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**17****th**** September 2005, 7:12am**

Hey Tone,

Sorry about last night. Ignore that email. I was just having a bad day... I'm sorry if I freaked you out.

Love, Loki.

XOXO

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: Miss you...**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**21****st**** September 2005, 11:43pm**

I still wear your AC/DC shirt to bed, even though it doesn't smell like you any more. It still fits me as well as it always has—rides up above my hips and is loose around my waist. It reminds me of you.

I still love you.

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: Please**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**3****rd**** October 2005, 3:19pm**

Tony,

They put notes in my locker.

They violated my privacy, broke into my locker and put threatening notes in there.

The notes said to kill myself. They said that I should starve to death.

What have I ever done to them?

I don't even know who "they" are, anymore. It feels like everyone hates me. And now that you and Thor aren't there, they're finally trying to get revenge. What did I do? I haven't done anything to hurt them.

If I have, it's not like it's my fault, right? Because I'm crazy. Because I'm sick. Because I'm a freak.

They threatened to kill me, Tone. I'm so scared. I'm in my room right now, I'm sobbing and I can't fucking breathe and I feel like if I ever go back there, they'll kill me.

Please, come back. I need you. I don't know how much more I can take.

Loki.

XOXO

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: I'm sorry**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**3****rd**** October 2005, 8:57pm**

I'm sorry. I broke my promise to you. I'm sorry.

I've started to cut again.

There are 8 bleeding lines on my wrists.

It's the only way I feel alive without you here. The sting, the colour, the pain, the adrenaline. The control. I have control. I have control again and it feels so good.

Come back, please.

I don't want to go too far.

Loki.

XOXO

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: Love**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**9****th**** October 2005, 9:42pm**

I still love you. I love your crooked smile. I love your brown eyes and hair that sticks up in all directions. I love your throaty laugh. I love your attempt at growing a goatee. I love your sarcasm. I love your band shirts. I love your smell. I love the Arc Reactor.

I miss its hum next to my ear when I go to sleep.

I miss talking to you.

I miss laughing with you.

I miss your presence.

I miss being able to escape to your house at 2am.

I miss you so fucking much.

Please talk to me.

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: Tell me**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**14****th**** October 2005, 12:05am**

Just tell me you're still alive.

Tell me you're well.

Tell me that you miss me.

Tell me that you're still my friend.

Tell me that you're still my boyfriend.

Tell me that you're still here for me.

Tell me that you're thinking of me.

Tell me that I mean something to you.

Tell me that I'm not nothing.

Tell me that you care about me.

Please.

Where are you?

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: N/A**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**17****th**** October 2005, 7:38pm**

Dear Tony,

Another promise broken. I haven't eaten anything these past few days.

Mother doesn't know yet that I haven't eaten a proper meal for four days now. She's been sick. She hasn't been sleeping and I don't know what else to do. It's probably because of me. I worry her too much. I'm a burden.

I have no intention of eating for a long while.

Aren't you going to interject?

Aren't you going to tell me that I have to eat? That I need to stop cutting?

Do you even care?

Answer me.

Please.

Loki.

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: N/A**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**15****th**** November 2005, 4:05pm**

Dear Tony,

I'm at the hospital...

No, it's not because of me, I'm more careful than that.

Father had a heart attack. A bad one...

Because I was screaming at him...

God, Tony. I found out that I was adopted today. Father told me after I found the papers. He did it so calmly too; I don't know what came over me.

Mother said that I had another breakdown, that I flipped over the coffee table and I started shouting and crying. I don't remember it. But I do remember kind of waking up out of this daze and staring down at Odin who was collapsed on the ground, clutching his chest.

I haven't stopped crying since then, I'm crying now.

The doctors pronounced him dead just under an hour ago.

I killed him, Tony. It was my fault.

If only I hadn't been so nosy, then I wouldn't have found the papers. If only I wasn't sick, then I wouldn't have had another breakdown.

I killed my father.

He's dead now.

He's dead and I'm never going to see him again.

Love, Loki.

XOXO

PS: Now would be a good time for you to let me know that you're alive and well.

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: Death**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**18****th**** November 2005, 3:32pm**

Dear Tony,

I just came back from the funeral.

I can't believe he's really gone. He died in my arms.

The shock has settled in now, I feel so numb.

Odin was a great father—not the best, but he was good.

He didn't disown me when I came out to him. He didn't yell at me when I was hospitalized because of the anorexia.

He taught me how to ride a bike. He didn't try to push me into playing football like Thor, though he was disappointed. Father always told me how proud he was of me. He came to all of my award ceremonies. He paid for my therapy.

And he died.

He's dead.

My chest felt so tight today, tighter than usual. I thought it was because I was crying, but I felt my pulse and it was fluttering, no mistake. I'm really worried. Is there something wrong? I still haven't eaten properly— maybe it's that. I don't know. I can't really bring myself to care.

I could really use your support right now.

From your I-don't-even-know-what-anymore, Loki.

XOXO

PS: Miss you.

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: **N/A

**From: Loki Odinson**

**30****th**** December 2006, 2:29pm**

Mother died a week ago. She died of grief.

Thor quit university and now he's staying with me until I get moved to a foster home.

We're orphans.

I miss her so much. I miss her hugs, I miss her perfume, I miss her comfort.

Why me?

Why do things always happen to me?

Loki.

PS: I'm not giving up on you. I can't lose you too. Please talk to me.

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: Thor and school**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**1****at**** January 2006, 1:13pm**

Dear Tony,

Thor and I have moved to Uncle Tyr's place. He's the creepy guy with one hand, dad's brother.

Thor and I share a room due to lack of space in the house. It's not so bad. But I have to be more careful about bloodstains on my sleeves now. Thor nearly caught me the other day, but I just said that I caught my arm on a loose nail.

I'm still going to school, even though I hate every single second that you're not there. The bullying getting worse, they cornered me after school yesterday. One of them, I don't keep track of their names any more, punched me in the stomach and now there's a huge bruise over my abdomen. They brought a switchblade, Tony. They cut my cheek.

Thor was picking me up from school on that day, though. Thank the gods. I don't think I would have made it out of there alive if he hadn't chased them off.

I'm genuinely scared for my life now.

The teachers are trying to get involved with my private life. After almost every class, they call me up to their desk and ask me how I'm doing. I lie and say that I'm fine. I'm not. They watch me at lunch, talk to me, and supervise me. They know I'm having a rough time. The nurse called me up to her office a few days ago and asked how much I've been eating.

I'm getting thinner and thinner by the day. I have to wear many layers of clothing so no one will suspect—two pairs of jeans and multiple coats. Thor is getting suspicious. I have to get changed in the bathroom away from him so he won't see my body. I can count my vertebrae and my ribs. The gap between my thighs is huge. I can't even rub my thighs together it is so big.

Thor didn't have to move in with Tyr, since he's already past 18. But he wants to stay with me and watch over me since Tyr doesn't seem to give a fuck. He has a job after school at Wendy's and he takes me there for dinner sometimes—away from Tyr. He helps me apply my make-up whenever Doom or one of his minions decides to colour my face blue and black.

Thor's a great brother. I don't know what I didn't see that before.

He's still an idiot though. Nothing's changed.

Hope you're well.

Love, Loki.

XOXO

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: HAPPY BDAY**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**3****rd**** January 2006, 8:35am**

My dearest Tony,

HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY!

Have a wonderful day, my love. I'm sorry I can't be there.

Lots of love, your boyfriend, Loki.

XOXO

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: Update**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**12****th**** January 2006, 12:01pm**

Dear Tony,

It's my 18th birthday in a month. Thor's going to send you an invite. I hope you can make it.

Love, Loki.

XOXO

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: Help**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**15****th**** January 2006, 3:59pm**

I feel numb.

Empty.

If you were here, I'd feel alive.

But you don't even care any more.

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: Hospital again**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**17****th**** January 2006, 2:03pm**

Dear Tony,

Thor is helping me write this. I can barely lift my arms ATM from the exhaustion and I am, currently, bed-bound (Hello, Tony! - T).

I'm in the hospital, this time it is because of me. I went too far. I didn't realize how bad it was getting. The anorexia. I had a seizure in class yesterday; I didn't even know that was a possibility.

My heart stopped. Literally.

I only remember sitting in History, feeling really tired and woozy. But then my chest contracted so much that I could barely breathe. I tried to stand up, to go out and get air but then I lost my balance. The next thing I knew, I was being loaded into an ambulance, sirens wailing in my ears.

It was so scary. I thought I was dying.

The doctors say that I'm emaciated and that I'm going to need to stay here for a few weeks. They're trying to get me to put on weight and are pushing a psychiatrist. Yeah, like we can afford that. We can barely afford this hospital stay.

They said it's more severe than the last time, but, really, how bad could it be?

Thor is staying with me for the full three to four weeks. He's so great.

Anyway, I can't think of what else to say. I just wanted to let you know that I'm still alive... surviving, you know.

Thor's going to attach a picture of me to this email, so there's proof of my existence, haha.

I hope California's going good for you...

Love, Loki.

XOXO

(Attachment: PNG file) Loki is sitting up in a hospital bed, with mounds of pillows behind his back. He can barely lift his head. He has a nasal-gastric tube taped to his face, snaking up into his nose and attached to a drip. He looks skeletal and pale. He's trying to crack a shy, crooked smile on his dry lips. His sunken, dull green eyes are full of sadness. Thor took the picture, you can see his arm stretching out from behind the camera and holding Loki's frail hand that's extended weakly toward him. There are scars—both fresh and old—lined on his forearms. His ribs and collarbones are easily visible beneath the hospital gown. An ECG is attached to his chest.

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: Update**

**From: Loki Odinson**

22**nd**** January 2006, 3:28am**

Hey Tony,

I can finally type by myself to you (Thor isn't my scribe anymore).

I just wanted to say that you made me promise to stay strong. I broke that promise. I am so sorry, Tony.

I'm sorry.

Only two weeks until my birthday, now. Thor's organizing me a party a week from now. Maybe you could come?

Lots of love, Loki.

XOXO

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Cc: Loki Odinson**

**Subject: Loki's 18****th**** Birthday**

**From: Thor Odinson**

**23****rd**** January 2006, 9:38am**

Dear Tony Stark,

You're invited to Loki's 18th Birthday!

Where: The Odinson Mansion, Asgard Drive, New York

When: Saturday 30th January

BYOB

RSVP: Thor Odinson, 718-978-7763

We hope that you can make it.

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: Re: Re: Loki's 18****th**** Birthday**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**25****th**** January 2006, 10:12am**

Dear Tony,

Thank you for the RSVP! I can't believe I finally get to see you! I cried when I saw your reply.

It's been 5 months since I last talked to you. I'm getting so excited to see you!

The doctors are discharging me early so I can go to the party. Only 5 more days and then we can meet up again and I know that you and I are going to have a very fun yet exhausting night ;)

See you on Saturday!

Lots and lots of love from your boyfriend, Loki.

XOXO

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: N/A**

**From: Thor Odinson**

**31****st**** January 2006, 4:00am**

Dear Anthony Stark,

I hope you're happy with yourself.

What the fuck was that last night? How could you have done that? You meant the absolute world to Loki. You spat in his face when he offered his heart to you. He hasn't heard from you in months and when he finally got to see you—you did that to him, you dick.

I can't talk to you, right now. I might just punch the screen.

Don't ever talk to him again. Do you understand, you are **never **to come near him again.

Thor Odinson.

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: You need to know this**

**From: Thor Odinson**

**2****nd**** February 2006, 8:45am**

Dear Stark,

I think that I've cooled off a little bit to talk sincerely with you.

I don't want your excuses; I don't want anything from you.

But you should probably know that after I threw you out of the party last night, Loki made an attempt on his own life.

I'm sitting right next to him now, typing on my laptop while my brother lies in a coma.

He only just got out of the hospital a week ago, and now he's back in intensive care.

Loki jumped off the roof of our home—I know, I saw it. I tried to pull him back but I was too late. I saw my brother lying in a pool of his own blood. I held him while he was dying, Tony. I sat with him in the ambulance while they were trying to save his life.

Right now, I'm looking at him, watching him and deciding where it all went wrong.

I've decided it was when you left and didn't keep your promise to keep in touch.

He's lying in his hospital bed, a bandage around his head and a tube down his throat to keep him breathing. His legs are broken in multiple places. They are laden in plaster, both hanging in traction. The doctors told me that the nerves are quite damaged, and that he's going to have a long journey to full recovery.

I hope he will wake soon; he's been comatose for three days now.

Did you know about the depression? I looked at my brother's medical records for the first time and have found he's been diagnosed psychologically by at least four doctors. No one told me anything of the sort. I know about the anorexia, but not about the other things. Loki was seemingly very adamant about keeping it from me. Was he ashamed?

I'm going to start paying for therapy. As soon as our mother died, Loki stopped attending, apparently.

This is the last email I will send to you. I hope you're satisfied with what you've done.

Thor Odinson.

**SENDING FAILED – NO EMAIL ADDRESS MATCHING**

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: N/A**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**20****th**April** 2006, 10:02am**

Tony,

Was released a while ago and still recovering. Not that you'd care, you bastard.

**UNSENT**

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: Fuck you**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**21****st**April** 2006, 11:01pm**

I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I fucking hate you.

I hate that you cheated on me.

I hate that you found a life in California and I hate that I was helpless when you left.

I hate what you do to me.

I hate your attitude.

I hate the way you talk.

I hate your stupid floppy hair.

I hate your band shirts.

I hate your sarcasm.

I hate your ridiculous inventions.

I hate the annoying hum of the Reactor.

I hate your fucking American accent.

I hate your self confidence.

I hate you. I hate you so fucking much.

Fuck you, Tony Stark.

**UNSENT**

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: Hate**N/A

**From: Loki Odinson**

**24****th**** April 2006, 4:46am**

I hate that I still love you.

**UNSENT**

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: Update**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**25****th**** April 2006, 9:17am**

I'm in a goddamn wheelchair with my legs in horrible plaster casts sticking straight out in front of me. I look like a twit. Gods, I'm so embarrassed. I never want to go out in public again.

Thor's fussing all the time; it's horribly annoying.

I want to punch him in the face.

**UNSENT**

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: N/A**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**27****th**** April 2006, 3:58pm**

Just got back from psychological diagnosis. The usual; bipolar disorder, paranoia, depression, suicidal tendencies, self-destructive and anorexia. What's NPD?

**UNSENT**

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: N/A**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**27****th** **April 2006, 4:31pm**

Fuck. I have NPD.

**UNSENT**

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: N/A**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**29****th**** April 2006, 9:08am**

My legs are bloody itchy under the plaster. What would you do in my situation? I'm thinking of using a ruler to scratch them or something.

**UNSENT**

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: N/A**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**2****nd**** May 2006, 6:30pm**

My therapist thinks I should stop sending you these emails because you're not even getting them, and that I should let go, but I can't.

I just can't let you go.

It's quite clear that you've let me go... but you were my first and only friend. My first boyfriend.

You were the one I came out to. You were the one that didn't run away, even after you found out how fucked up I am. You were the one that held me together when I was breaking.

I'm not ever giving up on you. Not until you get your shit together and mature.

I want the old Tony back.

Please come back to me.

I miss the old Tony.

I need him.

Please.

**UNSENT**

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: Ouch**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**4****th**** May 2006, 10:49am**

My legs hurt.

**UNSENT**

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: N/A**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**5****th**** May 2006, 3:24am**

I'm sleeping on the couch because I can't get up the stairs to my room. It's awful. Thor sleeps on the floor next to me just in case I need to go to the bathroom at night or I need help getting into my chair.

He has to help me to get dressed, go to the toilet, take a shower, get things down from shelves, basically everything.

It is so demeaning. I hate this. I hate it. My legs hurt so much right now.

**UNSENT**

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: Update**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**12****th**** May 2006, 1:20pm**

Good news: Plaster casts off early. The wheelchair is gone.

Bad news: On the walker. I'm hobbling around looking like a tit. I remind myself of Bambi trying to walk. Pretend I didn't just make a Disney reference. The doctors say that my legs are pretty badly damaged so the walker's going to be here for a while.

I'm going back to school in three days and I haven't done any of the work the teachers have been sending me this past 7-ish weeks. Was too high on painkillers and CBF.

Fuck, I'm going to get my ass kicked. By both the assholes and the teachers. This is hell. I wish you were here.

No I don't.

**UNSENT**

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: N/A**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**14****th**** May 2006, 5:17pm**

What's 6 times 8? I must have hit my head harder than I thought.

**UNSENT**

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: N/A**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**15****th** **May 2006, 6:36pm**

What should I have for dinner tonight? Thor's making me choose between fish and chips and pizza.

He's acting like my opinion even matters. He'd probably just order both and eat my share too.

**UNSENT**

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: N/A**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**17****th**** May 2006,11:25am**

My legs are killing me right now.

**UNSENT**

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: N/A**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**20****th**** May 2006, 6:23pm**

What movie would you recommend seeing? I feel like a comedy, today wasn't a good day. It was physiotherapy hell.

**UNSENT**

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: N/A**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**23****rd**** May 2006, 7:49am**

Wish you were here.

**UNSENT**

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: Update**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**8****th**** June 2006, 7:49pm**

Some guy called me an emo faggot today. He said that he wished that my attempt was successful.

So I smashed him over the head and hit him in the groin with my walker. I fell on my ass in front of everyone because he snatched the stupid piece of aluminum away from me before I could regain my balance.

My legs fucking hurt now. Got suspended again. Thor's not happy with me. Tyr couldn't care less.

But, hey, no school for a week! How's school for you?

**UNSENT**

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: N/A**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**14****th**** June 2006, 5:52pm**

Thor's trying to set me up with Fandral. AGAIN. The oaf does not understand that he has a man-whore as a friend. Kind of like you.

**UNSENT**

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: N/A**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**18****th**** June 2006, 12:34pm**

I have to go to the football with Thor tonight right after my physio appointment. I am not okay with this.

**UNSENT**

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: Update**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**20****th**** June 2006, 3:15pm**

The frame's gone. Got rid of it yesterday. My legs still ache like fuck. And still limping.

When will it end?

**UNSENT**

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: Graduation**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**30****th**** June 2006, 11:26pm**

Dear Tony,

I graduated today. I'm so fucking glad that the horror that was high school is finally over.

It was awful for me to go up and get my diploma, and realize that only Thor was in the audience for me. The three other people that I care so much about are dead or estranged (take a guess at who the estranged one is? Here's a clue: he's an arrogant prick with a startling resemblance to you).

I'm taking a year off before I go to university. I don't know what I'll do. Maybe pick up a job at Wendy's to work with Thor until we have enough money for our own place. We're thinking that we want a nice little town house.

I'm taking a course in high school education so I can be a teacher. I know, it sounds crazy, right? You're probably asking me why I would want a job as a teacher when high school was the worst period of my life.

That's exactly why.

I want to tell the other kids to stay strong, to not give up. I want the power to punish the bullies. I want to protect the kids that were like me— suicidal outcasts.

I'm so excited. My new life is just beginning! I get to start over again. This time I'm not going let my emotions take over me. Thor's been teaching me how to suppress emotions and overcome my impulses. It's going so great.

From Loki.

**UNSENT**

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject:** **N/A**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**3****rd**** January 2007, 4:54pm**

Happy birthday, dickhead.

**UNSENT**

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: N/A**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**1****st ****September 2007, 8:48am**

I'm starting university today. Wish me good luck. I hope I don't get roomed with some fucking wanker.

**UNSENT**

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: N/A**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**3****rd**** January 2008, 1:32pm**

Happy birthday, Tone. Have a great day.

**UNSENT**

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: N/A**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**3****rd**** January 2009, 9:46am**

Happy 21st birthday, Stark.

From Loki.

**UNSENT**

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: N/A**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**3****rd**** January 2010, 10:37am**

Dear Tony,

First of all: happy birthday!

Second of all: How are you? I haven't sent you an email in forever! Even though I know that you deleted your email... I still want to message you.

It's going to be easier to make a list of what I've been up to, so here it is:

I'm coming close to graduating top of the class. University has been better than I thought. Much better than high school, anyway. I cannot wait to start teaching! I've decided that I do love children, even though I'll be teaching high schoolers.

I got a boyfriend almost a year ago. He's also my roommate and he's great :) his name is Thanos Fletcher. I'm not going to lie, the sex is fan-fucking-tastic and he really takes care of me. He can be a little demanding and stubborn, but you know, he loves me so I'll give him anything he wants, really. Thor really doesn't like him, for some weird reason. I try to ignore him though. It's my life, not his.

Thor broke up with a girl named Jane Foster—they'd been dating for four years. He met her while freelancing. He had to interview her on a piece about astrophysics. She was quite a nice and pretty girl, but I knew it was doomed from the start.

Which brings me to my next bit of news- Thor and Sif finally got together. They're so cute and they go on double dates with Thanos and I.

I had my last therapy session two years ago. And I'm off the anti-depressants, which is so great. I feel cleaner, healthier and definitely happier. I still have to take meds for the bipolar, but I don't mind, really. I've also had no relapses at all since I graduated.

My legs don't hurt anymore. There's only a slight ache when it's cold, but it's barely noticeable. It's as if the fall never happened. I wish it didn't.

I'm over you now, I think. Well, I don't think about you as much. I still love you. I don't think I'll ever stop. Even though I'm with Thanos now, my heart will always belong to you, no matter how much bullshit you put me through. Asshole.

Lots of love, Loki.

XOXO

**UNSENT**

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: Update**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**30****th**** June 2010, 5:53pm**

Hey Tony,

I graduated university today. It was so great, Thor and Sif came to watch me get my course diploma.

I've come so far over the years. I'm so happy now. I'm hardly ever sad.

Thanos and I broke up a couple months ago after a particularly violent fight between him and I. Luckily Thor beat him to a pulp before I got badly hurt. Don't worry too much about it—just a few bruises. Nothing I can't handle.

Anyway, you won't have gotten any of these emails... I don't know why I bother.

This is probably one of the best days of my life.

I wish you were here, you'd be so proud of me. Why did you have to go and fuck up?

From, Loki.

**UNSENT**

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: Update**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**17****th**** November 2013, 4:37pm**

Dear Tony,

I've just started getting settled into my job as a teacher as the local high school, just down the road from where Thor, Sif and I live.

Thor and I did end up buying a townhouse- it's so beautiful. Sif moved in a few weeks earlier and they are engaged now. It's so sweet, but it also means that I have to move out soon. They claim that they'd rather me stay with them then live in a crappy apartment, but I really don't want to be a bother.

The school's pretty good. I'm glad that I decided that I wanted to be a strict teacher. Being a strict teacher means no one annoys me. Of course, I'm not that strict. If I like the student I'm happy to help and all that. I'd like to think that most of the students respect me and appreciate my dedication—other than the hopeless kids, of course. You know, the ones that sit at the back of the class and complain a lot.

I met someone during the summer break of 2010, his name's Freyr. He's wonderfully nice and so handsome and he proposed to me yesterday. I said no, but we're still dating.

I felt like when he proposed that I was cheating on you. No matter how hard I try to convince myself, I don't think I'll ever get over you. Is that weird?

It's not the same being with Freyr as it was being with you. I love Freyr, but I was—or still am—in love with you.

I hope that you're having a great life. Happy Thanksgiving!

Love, Loki.

XOXO

PS: Do you still think about me?

**UNSENT**

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: N/A**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**4****th**** February 2014, 1:14am**

I hate you.

**UNSENT**

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: N/A**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**28****th**** December 2014, 11:05pm**

I love you.

**UNSENT**

* * *

**To: Tony Stark**

**Subject: N/A**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**13****th**** August 2015, 9:07 pm**

I miss you.

**UNSENT**

* * *

To: pepperpotts

**Subject: Re: Tony Stark**

**From: Loki Odinson**

**27****th**** March 2016, 2:32 pm**

Dear Ms. Potts,

Thank you very much for your email about meeting up with Tony. I would love to.

Unfortunately, I will be very busy in the upcoming two weeks as I was involved in a traffic accident. My brother Thor passed away. I am currently recovering in the hospital. I was thinking about asking Tony up here to attend his funeral, since he was a close childhood friend of Thor's.

I've attached the details to this email.

I hope to see Tony there.

Regards, Loki Odinson.

* * *

A/N: Please review if you enjoyed! :) Any requests?


	2. Author's Note

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **Hello dear readers!

I've gotten a few reviews regarding this story asking for a continuation and well, I'm sorry for not making it clear but this is a prequel to a multi-chapter fic that can be found on my author page. It is entitled "Here With Me" and this series has 5 parts including those two already.

More will follow, but not for a while.

Thank you, darlings.

XOXO

PS: Dear Amber (a reviewer)

You have NO idea how much that review makes me! You have really made my dreams come true and I want to thank you for leaving that review. It was lovely of you :) I'm sorry I couldn't reply privately but you reviewed anonymously and I couldn't. So I'm doing it here! _Thank you. _XOXO


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